I read an article with the title, ‘Why do modern Muslim women hate their husbands’ and it made me reflect on a few things. Firstly, do they really? Secondly, does this sort of narrative further deepen the modern phenomenon of the gender wars? And lastly, we are living in a society where gender based violence is soaring with the popularity of the red pill ideology giving young men a channel for their frustration and anger. Against that backdrop what impact does an article like this have on the narrative?
This framing of the article assumes hostility as a default between spouses where the reality is far more complex. Many Muslim women deeply value the sanctity of marriage and family and it is not a radical opinion to say that women are juggling more than they ever did. Retaining their roles as mothers, wives, carers and nurturers but also navigating the complex extended family relationships which have become confused in ever-changing cultural shifts. In much of the western world, Muslims have diverse cultural backgrounds. These cultural backgrounds have mingled, adapted and fused with the cultural norms of where they live. The result is shifting expectations from extended family relationships both ways. And of course, Muslim women are in every public and professional sphere in a way they weren’t before. We have more financial independence than ever before. So maybe Muslim women are seeking fairness, respect and partnerships and not relationships of dependence and servitude. Muslim women don’t hate their husbands. They are expecting better partnerships.
Language that pits ‘modern women’ against ‘traditional husbands’ fuels polarisation instead of fostering understanding. It risks creating camps, men feeling victimised by women’s empowerment, and women feeling dismissed or blamed. This divisive framing oversimplifies marital challenges and distracts from the Islamic ethic of mawadda (love) and rahma (mercy) as the foundation of marriage.
Gender-based violence is increasing in many societies, and the red pill ideology is offering young men a toxic framework to process their frustrations. Articles that weaponise women’s dissatisfaction risk legitimising resentment towards women, rather than addressing root causes of which includes the misinterpretation of masculinity. As Muslims we don’t have to look further than our Prophet (May Peace and Blessings be upon him) for the balanced masculinity that he embodied where chivalry and physical strength was hand in glove with kindness, patience and gentleness.
What’s needed is a discourse that acknowledges evolving gender roles and challenges while offering faith-based, compassionate solutions for stronger, healthier relationships. Muslim discourse should avoid mimicking culture war rhetoric and instead return to prophetic models of kindness, consultation, and equity within the family. Marriage should not be framed as a battleground between rights, roles and duties, but as a partnership rooted in service, patience, and spiritual growth.
